Yes, The Bench Needs Prayers Answered
As someone who has been talking to God often lately I obviously understand the significance of perspective as it relates to prayer. This is a well-thought offering from Taylor over at Meloship of the Ring in praying for bench help…
Hello Jesus. I’d like to start by thanking you for dying for our sins. However, with all do respect I think you forgot to help a few people and I would like to point them out to you. The New York Knicks bench has been cursed all season with horrid play and anemic effort. So I pray to you to please help us desperate Knick fans. Please Jesus, help Toney Douglas dribble the ball better. Fix his color blindness and allow him to throw the ball to the guys in blue and orange. Please give him the ability to understand that you don’t always shoot on the pick and roll and that there is a roll man who is usually open. Please give Renaldo Balkman a paper towel so he can wipe the butter off his hands for when he drives he always loses the ball. Please Jesus, guide Mike Bibby to the fountain of youth so that he no longer plays defense like Betty White. Please Jesus, give Steve Novak some semblance of athleticism so that maybe he won’t be a complete defensively liability when he’s on the floor. Give Jeremy Lin the ability to shoot the ball. If nothing else, please please please help this last man. I would be forever grateful if you could somehow insert a brain into Bill Walker’s skull. I know this is a heavy task to ask of you Jesus but I cannot take it anymore. I can’t take the turnovers and the stupid fouls. He has never understood that you cannot push the defender out of the way on a dunk. He does it all the time and each time I wanna punch my roommate in the face (actually I want to do that anyways). I do not even ask that you get him to cut his hair and not look like Rasheed Wallace’s demented son, just please give him a brain. In conclusion, I do not ask for much Jesus. I just ask that you help these pour souls that call themselves “professional basketball players”. Thank you Jesus, for everything and I hope you can help these poor souls as they are absolutely pathetic and useless in their current forms. Oh and if you could leave that Tim Tebow guy alone and let him suck, that would be awesome too. Amen
